


SPECIAL: Dick Measuring Contest of the Year

by sn0wfl4k3s



Series: The Stoll Bros. Radio Show [4]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M, Moderate language, this is it, this is the fic that started the stoll bros radio show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 22:16:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2708693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sn0wfl4k3s/pseuds/sn0wfl4k3s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Percy Jackson and Jason Grace have an obstacle course race, with special commentary courtesy of the Stoll Brothers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SPECIAL: Dick Measuring Contest of the Year

**Author's Note:**

> My submission for the Heroes of Olympus Shipping Olympics. Go Team Jercy!

Audio Transcript: Stoll Bros. Radio Show, 7/21

CONNOR: Hello listeners, and welcome back to the Stoll Bros. Radio Show, for all your camp new needs.

TRAVIS: As some of you may know, today is the day of the “Dick Measuring Contest of the Year”--

CONNOR: -- A name lovingly coined by yours truly--

TRAVIS: --courtesy of longtime campers Jason Grace and Percy Jackson.

CONNOR: And for the folks at home living under a rock or whatever who may not know what’s going on…

TRAVIS: Basically, Percy challenged Jason to a contest to “see who’s the alpha demigod” (his words, not mine) in front of the whole camp. It was pretty hilarious.

CONNOR: That it was, Travis, that it was. It seems this contest will be in the form of an obstacle course.

TRAVIS: Obstacles will of course be designed to be typical demigod challenges such as Roman armor sprints, god-avoiding, and monster trash-talking.

CONNOR: I gotta tell you, Travis, the monster trash-talking is always what gets me on quests. I usually just stab them.

TRAVIS: Ah, rookie mistake,bro. The trash-talk is the most important part!

TRAVIS: It’s a race against the clock as these two demigods prepare to face off.

CONNOR: And the whistle has sounded and they’re off! Percy gains an early lead in the mud pit by manipulating the water in it to concentrate around Jason.

TRAVIS: Seems like a cheap shot to me, Connor, but hey, I’m not a judge.

CONNOR: Speaking of which, the race is being overseen by three impartial judges: Annabeth Chase, Piper McLean, and Nico di Angelo.

TRAVIS: Clearly the most impar--

BOTH: OOOOOOOOH!

CONNOR: JASON JUST FACE PLANTED INTO THE MUD!

TRAVIS: That has got to hurt.

CONNOR: His pride as well as his face.

TRAVIS: Looks like Percy has made it to the second obstacle: latin verb conjugations.

CONNOR: Not gonna lie, bro, I’ve never gotten the practical application of latin, but it’s apparently a skill we need to know so…

TRAVIS: I couldn’t agree more, Connor, it’s like high school algebra all over again.

CONNOR: Oh, Jason’s made it to the whiteboard, and Percy’s still stuck on the second verb! The tension is killing me!

TRAVIS: Don’t know how he can see with all the mud on his glasses, but apparently he can see well enough to completely own Percy’s ass right now.

CONNOR: And he’s finished the last verb and is on to the next challenge: navigating through a field filled with Aphrodite kids!

TRAVIS: It doesn’t sound like a bad thing, but the amount of make-over offers he’s getting right now is more than anyone should have to deal with.

CONNOR: The real reason demigods don’t make it past 20: inhalation of hairspray fumes-- HOLY SHIT PERCY’S COMING UP FROM BEHIND! LOOK AT HIM GO!

TRAVIS: He’s had years of practice; this is life for him- oh! he’s been cornered by Drew Tanaka, that could slow him down--  
CONNOR: And he’s free, sprints to the boundary line- AT THE SAME TIME AS JASON! THEY ARE GOING INTO THE NEXT CHALLENGE TIED!

TRAVIS: Next is trash-talking. This challenge could go either way, to be honest.

CONNOR: You’re right, both Jason and Percy are experienced trash-talkers. Whoever hurts their monsters feelings first can go on to the next challenge.

BACKGROUND NOISE: faint sound of campers going “oooooh” in the distance

CONNOR: What’d he say?

TRAVIS: I don’t know but it must’ve been good because that monster looks devastated.

CONNOR: Well they don’t call him Persassy Jackson for nothing.

*pause in audio*

TRAVIS: They call him Persassy Jackson?

CONNOR: I’m as scared as you bro.

TRAVIS: Anyway, while I was giving up on humanity, Jason’s moved on to the next challenge: Roman armor sprinting.

CONNOR: Percy’s been stuck putting the armor on this whole time, because as one Roman guy told me, “Greeks couldn’t correctly put on armor even if you bribed them with pizza.”

TRAVIS: That’s true, that happened. Why he said pizza, I don’t know.

CONNOR: It did seem like a poorly constructed insult.

TRAVIS: They’ve finished the sprint, Jason a little ahead.

CONNOR: All they have to do is get over this wall and they are done. Dick measuring contest over.

TRAVIS: THEY’RE CLIMBING THE WALL, PERCY’S CATCHING UP!

CONNOR: PERCY’S GETTING AHEAD! WILL HE WIN? THE SUSPENSE HANGS LIKE A DARK CLOUD OVER THE SPECTATORS I’VE BEEN SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME WITH THE APOLLO KIDS.

TRAVIS: PERCY’S ON TOP OF THE WALL!! HE’S DROPPING, HE’S RUNNING TOWARDS THE FINISH--

CONNOR: THERE’S JASON RIGHT BEHIND HIM! HIS LEGS ARE LONG AS HELL MAN PERCY DOESN’T HAVE A CHANCE--

TRAVIS: OH MY GODS THEY’RE NECK AND NECK--

CONNOR: And now, a word from our sponsors.

TRAVIS: Need something somewhere quick? Mortal postal system just not cutting it for you? Use Hermes Express: God-Quality Service for a Low, Low Price!

CONNOR: Now where were we?

TRAVIS: Oh yeah. OH MY GODS THEY’RE NECK AND NECK--

BOTH: IT’S A TIE!!!!!!!!!

TRAVIS: This just in folks: Percy Jackson and Jason Grace have the same size penis.

CONNOR: You’re welcome, Aphrodite cabin.

TRAVIS: Now if you’ll excuse us, we have some bets to collect.

CONNOR: This has been the Stoll Bros. Radio Show’s coverage of Jason and Percy’s obstacle course race.

TRAVIS: Travis and Connor, signing off.

Voice Talents: Travis Stoll  
Connor Stoll  
Audio: Greg from the Apollo cabin  
Tech: Greg from the Apollo cabin  
Transcripts: Greg from the Apollo cabin  
Coffee Guy: Greg from the Apollo cabin  
Mid Show Foot Stool: Greg from the Apollo cabin

 

Thanks Greg

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this be sure to check out the tumblr account: stollbrosradioshow


End file.
